I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
