Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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