so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
