where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
