turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
