Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
