it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
