oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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