Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
