Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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