Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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