how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
