And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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