He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
