I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
