Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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