So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
false alarm. still invincible.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
