Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
