dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Less talking, more tequila
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
