I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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