So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
