It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Your tits are I can't wait for
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
