I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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