the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
