Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
