What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
