i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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