i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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