Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
