Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
