Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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