Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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