She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
