I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
