i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
