you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
