We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
