how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
