we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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