Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The air was thick with penises
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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