All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
