my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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