I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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