One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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