I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
