He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
