i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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