I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
