I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
