By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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