my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
