I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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