STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
