also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
