my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
