You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
