hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
